Learning How to Love After Divorce and Bipolar Depression

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Learning How to Love After Divorce and Bipolar Depression

After my divorce, I didn't love less; instead, I found that I loved more. There was a dark period in time in which I wrestled with demons. I saw all my flaws. All the horrible mistakes I had made. I had spent so much time caught up in the material, tangible things in front of me that I had failed to realize the truth until it all came crashing down on me. When my life fell apart and I was left with nothing, when it was just me in the dark, peeling back the layers of my life, wrestling with God to please kill me now, suddenly, only truths remained: that there is meaning in life and it is love. 

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11 Inspiring Quotes That Give Hope

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11 Inspiring Quotes That Give Hope

I've been thinking a lot about hope lately. Before my diagnosis of Bipolar, I thought of hope as an emotion that people experienced erroneously or sometimes, even tragically. But after my diagnosis — after losing my marriage, identity, health, friends, family, and life as I knew it — I began to understand that hope is so much more.

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Work as a Spiritual Journey and Practice

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Work as a Spiritual Journey and Practice

I have been thinking a lot about work lately -- the nature of it and what purpose it serves. What roles money, growth, and fulfillment play in it. How it relates to myself and to others. 

When you work a job that drains all the energy from you, there is nothing worse. You feel worn down and depleted, meaningless and empty. 

But when you are doing work that resonates with you, its as if time stands still. You're filled with clarity and calmness ('flow').You feel excited and engaged. 

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Finding Purpose in Pain

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Finding Purpose in Pain

I believe that there is a greater purpose to pain. I believe pain and suffering can be transcended -- transformed into something good. That we have a purpose in our lives, and our job is to discover that purpose, to align our lives with it. I believe that by following this energy and light, we move toward the wholeness we were made for.

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Thich Nhat Hanh // How to Turn Garbage into Flowers

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Thich Nhat Hanh // How to Turn Garbage into Flowers

Lately, I've been reading through Thich Nhat Hanhs book, You Are Here. One of my favorite passages in it involves the topic of turning garbage into flowers: 

Sorrow, fear, and depression are all a kind of garbage. These bits of garbage are part of real life, and we must look deeply into their nature. You can practice in order to turn these bits of garbage into flowers. It is not only your love that is organic; your hate is, too. So you should not throw anything out. All you have to do is learn how to transform your garbage into flowers. 

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Gratitude and Growth as a Journey

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Gratitude and Growth as a Journey

There was a moment early in my recovery in which I looked into Simon's eyes and felt so much unconditional love that I was moved to tears. They were tears of gratitude -- gratitude for the entire journey of my life to that moment in time, for all the joys and good things that had happened, but also the bad -- the things that hadn't gone right, the sadness and sorrows. I felt somehow I was exactly where I needed to be. I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for making it to this moment, gratitude for the light that had carried me through to this life ahead.

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2 Quotes on The Transformational Power of Pain

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2 Quotes on The Transformational Power of Pain

I've been reading a lot lately and came across the following two passages that I found quite powerful. I spent most of my life always focused on what was next--I'd graduate, then go on fellowship, then have a baby, then I'd get this job, then I'd advance to another... I was always thinking that happiness was around the corner, so much so that I missed it. I missed it in the moments of solitude. I missed it in the beauty of sipping tea. I missed the look in my loved one's eyes. After my divorce and health crisis, I realized that sooner or later we are going to die, and all we have in life are these moments in which we are present, alive.

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What It's Like to Live with Bipolar Disorder

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What It's Like to Live with Bipolar Disorder

The best way I can describe living with Bipolar is that it is like living with cancer. Bipolar is a beautiful monster, albeit a deadly one -- one which, if left untamed, has no qualms about consuming you alive. It is an illness that must be faced and fought back each day to prevent greater progression and malignancy. Some days are easier than others. But the potential for illness recurrence is always there. I say this not to discourage anyone with Bipolar or to make light of cancer, but instead to highlight the grave seriousness that treatment and self care for Bipolar must hold.

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