Love, Time, and Space
/ VCSSometimes you love who you love and there is no stopping it. Neither time nor space, nor life or death can change it. This is the nature of love — it never stops believing, never stops hoping.
So often we feel as if we must stop loving the person we have just lost. In some ways, to disconnect from these emotions feels like a loss in and of itself. Be strong, people will say. It has been months, and years. How are you not over it yet?
But it’s okay to keep loving — it’s okay to allow yourself to love, to stay connected. Keep your heart open and allow yourself to grieve. Rest in the truth, that no loss comes without grief, no grief without love. You love because it is in your very nature to, you love because this person was special to you, because there was something sacred there, without which you wouldnt’t be who you are, here now.
To my readers — thank you for reading this post. it means so much to me. If you enjoyed it, I invite you to connect with me through the comments below and to share the post with someone who you think might also find it helpful in living with grief. You might also find my book, Grieving the Loss of a Love: How to Embrace Grief to Find True Hope and Healing After a Divorce, Breakup, or Death helpful to read or to pass along to others. Thank you again.
This year, I am experimenting with an aspect of my life, which is faith. I’ve always felt a strong calling to write but been very afraid to really pursue it. When I examine this fear, I’m not sure what it’s really about. Perhaps it’s that I’m afraid my writing won’t result in anything, that it wouldn’t actually mean anything, or perhaps I’m afraid of facing myself.
A depression came on very suddenly. Perhaps it is this time of year with the holidays and constant travel — the grayness and limited sunlight of it all. Or perhaps it is that this time of year reminds me so much of Brian.
I remember why I first started to write. I was around 14 or so. It helped me make sense of myself back then. It was lonely growing up in that house. I was kind of a black sheep. Moody, depressed, and irritable. Back then emotions were felt and difficult to put into words. Over time I’ve found the words, but the original emotion sometimes becomes harder to find — lost, forgotten.
A few months ago, I became interested in lucid dreaming. Lucid dreaming is essentially where you ‘wake up’ in your dreams and become aware that you are dreaming. With this awareness, you gain the ability to affect what happens within your dreams. The more you practice this ability, the more you are able to shape the nature of your dreams.
Some days are really hard.
This is one of those days.
Today came out of the blue, unexpectedly, for no reason really.
Something strange happened to my grief, something that has been difficult to write about.
It faded.
I feel it much less these days.
I know it is a natural course of the grieving process, but it feels strange nonetheless.
n the beginning of my journey with grief, it was like a thick fog that went with me everywhere. It felt like I was a world away, living in a different realm, barely hanging on to this one.
However over time, the grief has lessened. My feelings about this have been mixed. On one hand, it is healthy and natural for grief to lessen. On the other, it feels a bit odd to live without feeling grief so intensely. Some days it feels as if a new person has emerged. And I must admit that I miss the grief that I once felt so deeply, as it was also so much tied with memories of the person I lost.