The Spiritual Meaning of Dreams and Grief

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I never thought much of dreams until last year when I had one with Brian in it.

It had been a year since I had last seen him. And though he had since remarried and moved on with his life, it didn’t change the fact that he had been such a large part of mine. The loss was hard on me. I felt it each day.

And yet in the dream, there he was. Although in my day to day life, I could conjure a memory of his face in mind with effort, in this dream, I saw his face, so clearly and distinctly. The long eyelashes. His smile with crinkles at the corners of his eyes. Perhaps the most remarkable part of this dream was feeling his presence again. Because in this dream, it was not just an image of him, but the feeling of his actual spirit and presence.

When I woke up, I suddenly understood that dreams are far more powerful and significant than we realize. How incredible it is that even despite a loss, that there is a place where our loved ones exist with us. A place where we can see them from time to time. Where all that pain and heartbreak is somehow gone — or perhaps if present, transcended so that our loved ones are here with us again, smiling.

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Loss
Grief and Love
Grief and Faith
Grief and Faith

This year, I am experimenting with an aspect of my life, which is faith. I’ve always felt a strong calling to write but been very afraid to really pursue it. When I examine this fear, I’m not sure what it’s really about. Perhaps it’s that I’m afraid my writing won’t result in anything, that it wouldn’t actually mean anything, or perhaps I’m afraid of facing myself.

Running, Walking, Hiding, and Finally, Facing Grief
Running, Walking, Hiding, and Finally, Facing Grief

A depression came on very suddenly. Perhaps it is this time of year with the holidays and constant travel — the grayness and limited sunlight of it all. Or perhaps it is that this time of year reminds me so much of Brian.

Thank you + Happy New Year + New Project
Writing, light, and hope
Writing, light, and hope

I remember why I first started to write. I was around 14 or so. It helped me make sense of myself back then. It was lonely growing up in that house. I was kind of a black sheep. Moody, depressed, and irritable. Back then emotions were felt and difficult to put into words. Over time I’ve found the words, but the original emotion sometimes becomes harder to find — lost, forgotten.

Grief and Lucid Dreaming
Grief and Lucid Dreaming

A few months ago, I became interested in lucid dreaming. Lucid dreaming is essentially where you ‘wake up’ in your dreams and become aware that you are dreaming. With this awareness, you gain the ability to affect what happens within your dreams. The more you practice this ability, the more you are able to shape the nature of your dreams.

Grief and Difficult Days
Grief and Difficult Days

Some days are really hard.

This is one of those days.

Today came out of the blue, unexpectedly, for no reason really.

Letting Go of Grief
Letting Go of Grief

Something strange happened to my grief, something that has been difficult to write about.

It faded.

I feel it much less these days.

I know it is a natural course of the grieving process, but it feels strange nonetheless.

Grief and Fear
Grief and Fear

n the beginning of my journey with grief, it was like a thick fog that went with me everywhere. It felt like I was a world away, living in a different realm, barely hanging on to this one.

However over time, the grief has lessened. My feelings about this have been mixed. On one hand, it is healthy and natural for grief to lessen. On the other, it feels a bit odd to live without feeling grief so intensely. Some days it feels as if a new person has emerged. And I must admit that I miss the grief that I once felt so deeply, as it was also so much tied with memories of the person I lost.