Thank you + Happy New Year + New Project

Hi everyone,

I wanted to thank you for reading and for being readers over the years. I have written very sparingly and there are numerous reasons for this, including that I started up a mental health practice and all the various things that it brought, but probably the primary thing that has kept me from writing has been fear — a fear of facing myself.

I have kept myself busy, productive with this and that and the practice is now successful and that is all true, but underneath it all, I think productivity and constantly doing, doing, doing has been a form of coping for me, of running for me, of running from myself.

Not only of running from myself, but also pain. Although the pain of grief has subsided, some of the deeper pain, or other types of griefs have never fully been processed.

Writing has always been my truth, the thing that has kept me sane, the thing that has helped me make sense of it all. And yet over the years, it become someplace scary. Maybe because to write would mean facing the pain?

In not sure as Im still piecing out all the complexities of my psyche together, but my new years' resolution is to take my writing more seriously. And I really have you to thank you for this.

Yes, you. You, dear reader, who emails me and leaves comments. You dont know how much these comments and letters mean to me. They mean so much to me because they show me that my writing is not going into a void. That somewhere, someone is connecting with this, that there is a connection here somehow. That through darkness and through pain, something meaningful can emerge.

Ive learned that I have a lot of trouble writing into voids. Im going to be writing a new project and holding myself accountable. The project will be on personal experience with grief, mental health, suicidality, light and hope. For those of you who are long term readers, you may know that I have been diagnosed with manic depression. For those who are newer readers, now you know! I havent quite figured out how best to address that part, but it will be incorporated somehow because it would be impossible not to. Because you see, writing is my true north, keeping a clear perspective and voice through it all - through the confusing nature of pain, a light is found.

Would you be interested in being a beta reader for this new project? I will continue writing on this blog, but with this new project, I will be writing with a different intensity and intention - the intention of publishing and putting together a book that people can read one day. I will need beta readers. I will need people who I know are reading and interested. Most importantly, I will need encouragement. The encouragement is simply to know that you are reading and interested.

If you are interested in being a beta reader, please let me know. For this new project, I will be writing in a private password protected blog. I would encourage thoughts and feedback from a community of readers, you may get to see what others say. Again, the writing will be with the intention of publishing it one day. I am scared because all my writing thus far has been under a pen name. With this new project, I am thinking it will not; instead it will be under my real name. I would like to come out as a psychologist and writer discussing at a personal level how to navigate times of darkness and grief. I will need some help, support and accountability. But most importantly connection. If you are interested, please email me at ellie@eleorahan.com and I will send you the information on the private blog.

Thank you for reading and most importantly, happy new year to you all. There is a lot of darkness in life but there is also light. Times of grief are a season we each go through at some point in our lives. Please know that it will all make sense one day, that love is never lost and you will have that feeling of home again, and that all this pain is here to show you the way.

Best wishes

Ellie